Hey folks, its ya man, The Big Bad Black Man aka Chuck Claps Jr aka Fuck Who You Are Son. Today is the first installment (of many believe me. yea I got ALOT of stories) The Big Bad Black Man's Celebrity Beefs. My first ever beef with a celeb aka meaning I actually engaged with the celeb in person, just not on some, yo I see him/her on tv and I curse at my 40 LED LCD TV (dont hate son), is Ciara aka Ci Ci but better known ass Calvin aka Cool Cool Cal. She is a fucking lair. And this is why:
1) That bitch aint got no goodies. She mad skinny. I dont hate on skinny chicks but she aint got no curves son. She straighter cardboard status. I bet if she rocked leggings, they would sag of her non-having ass. She look like she is a triple extra small in shirts. How are you a size -6 in pants son. Come on b. How you rocking baggy leggings?
2) She a man. I know yall heard me talk about this before but this is for my new fans and shit. Word on the street (and normally the word on the street is the most truthful and reliable source of info you can find) she was born... to um how can we say, play for both teams you feel me? Its just that her parents really wanted her to be a girl and so they snipped. But you cant fool me b. I see the stache son. I see ya extra muscular hands and all that. I never seen Ciara with her nails done. Why? She be bench pressing Hondas thats why. She be putting all these rappers in a head lock for features. Why you think her and 50 get along. Because she is a perfect gym partner. She can spot you on the weights and shit. I asked around ya old hood and cats were they are real proud of you Calvin. Yea, I know ya real name son. Cats called you Cool Cool Cal around ya way. You cant fool me son. And them size 23 size heels. How you and Shaq shop at the same store son? You wylin b!
So why am I so against Ci Ci here? Because when she came through my area (cuz you know I do the airport security thing thing thingy ya smell me) and she was mad because I told her to take off them UGG boots yall females be rocking. Now look, it think it was like spring time and them shits is sheep skin fur on the inside. I know her feet felt like they were in tanning bed. She was like "are you for real. I dont have any socks on". I give her that does it look like I give a fuck look. You know what Im talking about
Yea that look. Bitch I dont care about ya foot wear issues. Shoes off son! So she got mad and took off her boots, and she was right, I should have told her to keep em on cuz her feet with crusty. Like they used her feet for demolitions. Breaking bricks with all the ash and sediments of concrete stuck to the back of ya feet girl. You suppose be getting money. People with money feet dont looked like it they borrowed another person foot. She was black but her feet where Dominican or something. So yea she came through and her body guard was giving me the grill. Like I was scared of something. Yea ok duke. Anyways ever since then, its been war with Calvin. I havent seen her since but she know the deal son. She flys through JFK or Nasa before she come see me.
So yea folks, in conclusion when you see Ciara throw some lotion at her from her ash tone feet ya feel me. Help her/him or whatever it is out. On the next installment of The Big Bad Black Man's Celebrity Beefs Vol 2: How Nee-yo almost lost his life at Delta. Word my dude Six Duece.
But for real though, I have you seen her feet? She gotta be rocking a size 45 shoe. Her feet are mad long. Like she got natural skiis and shit. Like she can go barefoot on the slopes and be on some winter X games shit. And her man-hands. Wasnt she on Oprah with the documents but they took that show off the air. I seen it Ciara. Cant fool me b.
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